"Huh? Oh, no nothing." Max rummages up a quarter and puts it into the game next to Dustin and Steve.
"Billy's just being his usual, weird self." She shrugs and turns her attention to the game as it starts up. "There's some kinda bug up his ass and he thinks he's being subtle but really he's just being dumb. Like I was gonna miss the way he got all weird as soon as he saw your car." She looks at Steve suspiciously.
"Did you two fight again? He didn't hurt you, did he?"
He looked guilty for a moment before shaking his head. "No we didn't have a
fight." He said, though he pointedly didn't answer whether he'd been hurt.
"Its no big. I promise." He rubbed her shoulder before he sighed and stood
back up. "Just...best we don't see each other." He said, his voice going
quiet, sounding reluctant to have to say it.
"What time is he supposed to be picking you up?" He asked, like he had
asked every time lately, so he could leave before Billy ever got there.
Max gives him a really pointed look before turning away with a shrug.
"He said he'd be here at 5:30." Just before dinner. He and Tommy H were catching up or something beforehand. Whatever, she hadn't really listened.
It's a good 45 minutes later that Max is able to corner Steve away from the others.
"Billy's been acting really weird and he's only ever done this once before. In California, just before we moved. And I know it has something to do with you. What did he do?"
He nodded before leaving her alone. How she managed to end up cornering
him, he would absolutely never know but he sighed, jaw tight as she started
questioning him.
"Max just...Billy didn't do anything, okay?" He said softly, sitting down
and scrubbing a hand over his face. "Wait, you said in California? What
happened in California?" He asked, tilting his head as he looked at her.
"Did something bad happen?" He bit his lip, shifting a bit and glancing at
the clock on the wall. It was still before 5:00 so he was alright. He just
wanted to be out of there by 5:15.
"A lot of bad things happen to Billy. He's a jerk." But she knows what he means, so she sits down with a sigh.
"Billy was friends with this guy and they were always together, it was weird but so is Billy so whatever. And they were hanging out in his room and the music was really loud and Neil came home and was really mad and so he went to tell Billy to turn his music off. I was in the kitchen helping Mum and the next thing, his friend takes off out of the house, screaming and Neil is swearing and yelling and Billy was like... crying and begging him to stop. Billy had to go to hospital and then we packed up and moved here. Never saw the friend again." She sighs. "Look, don't tell him I told you that; he'll be pissed. But just... whatever happened? If Billy's acting like this again, there's a reason."
She pats Steve on the arm and walks back over to the others, pushing Lucas out of the way so she can get to the game he's on.
When she walked away, he leaned back in the chair, staring straight ahead
for a long time before groaning and scrubbing a hand over his face.
At 5:25 he walked outside, spotting Billy's car. He stood there for a few
moments before walking over at Billy's car. He leaned against it, refusing
to actually look at Billy. "Give me a cigarette, Hargrove." He demanded,
looking out across the parking lot for a long time.
Max would be a few minutes late and he told Billy that. "She's doing
something for me. Checking on something. So don't you dare get pissed at
her." He said, foot bouncing a bit before he finally pushed himself to
speak again. "I found out what happened. In California."
He pushed his fingers through his hair as he took a few hits off the
cigarette hanging between his lips. "You don't have to worry about me. I'll
stay away." He shifted, rolling a shoulder. "Even if I think your shithead
dad needs to have his ass kicked. I'll just..." He made a sound, brows
furrowing before finally turning his head and looking at Billy, staring him
in the eyes.
"Bonfire night never happened. Everything is back to the way it was. So
just..you know. Stay away from me, Hargrove."
Billy doesn’t expect Steve and he’s too shocked to do anything but offer him a cigarette and the lighter when he demands it.
And then he’s telling him that he knows what happened in California and Billy feels his chest tighten in panic. Max said something because of course she did. She’s too fucking observant and she was there, she saw what happened and what it did to him when James had bailed on him and left him to face Neil’s wrath alone, to sit in that hospital for two days alone.
He can’t catch his breath, not in the face of the tears welled up in Steve’s eyes or the way he tells him to stay away and that that night never happened.
Tears spill over his own cheeks and he presses his head into the steering wheel.
“Okay.”
He could do that. He deserved this after all. “Okay. I’ll... stay away.”
He turned away, his jaw going painfully tight. He was staring straight
ahead as he took another couple drags off the cigarette before tossing it
down and stomping it out. There was so much more he wanted to say. He was
still angry. Still hurting.
Instead he just nodded. "Good." And then he walked away. He made a beeline
for his car, fighting back tears as he slid in and slammed the door shut.
The sound echoed through the parking lot as he started up and pealed out,
needing to be as far away from there as he possibly could be.
In the end, he didn't care if he'd made the right decision. And, well, he
stopped caring about pretty much everything else. It was like he was on
autopilot after that. He went to school, went to classes like normal. He
flirted, ignoring it when he felt eyes on him on the hall. Knowing Billy
was watching.
Robin ended up being a godsend and became his best friend almost instantly.
It helped because a lot of people assumed they were dating. Anyone who paid
attention would know they weren't, but it helped stop the rumors about why
he wasn't dating anyone anymore. He still didn't go to parties. He
didn't go anywhere other than with the kids and Robin.
Weeks go by and Steve and Billy don't say a word to one another. They make an effort to avoid each other in the hallways and when they drop their respective teen off to the arcade or the mall.
It's only three weeks after their exchange that Billy drops off the basketball team. He doesn't offer an explanation, no matter how many people asked. And if his anger issues increase, he doesn't acknowledge it.
And as per usual, Tommy H and Carol don't notice anything particularly different in him and they ignore the way he clenches his jaw any time they bring up Steve.
It's the end of the year and they''re having the standard Hawkins High post-grad bonfire and Billy?
Billy goes. He drinks before he gets there and he doesn't stop. He sits by himself with a cigarette dangles from his lips and a beer in his hand, watching Steve from a distance with an ache in his chest and a burning in his gut.
Steve ended up being dragged to the bonfire by Robin, groaning about how it
was a stupid tradition and why did he have to participate. Either way, she
made him go. And of course, he saw Billy and once again he can feel those
blue eyes watching him. He hated it, but there wasn't anything he could do.
So he drank and drank...and drank some more. He drank until he was barely
understandable before he pulled Robin off until they were alone.
Then he spilled everything. He told Robin about Billy, about how they
hadn't spoke since, everything. He was in tears, he was in pain.
Robin had left him leaned against a tree, half asleep after his confession
as she looked for Billy. When she found him, she closed the distance and
without a word she slapped him as hard as she could. Anger was evident on
her face, her eyes narrowing. She stood there for a second, eyeing the
people around them before hissing at him. "You're an asshole, Billy
Hargrove."
The slap comes out of nowhere and his drunken brain can't keep up with what's happening, so his immediate response is to freeze and make himself small.
And then he registers that it's Steve's friend, Rachel or something and she's cursing him out.
She shoved him, moving him away from his stupid asshole friends and backing
him up against a tree. "What did you do? Are you fucking kidding me? You
broke Steve." She snapped at him, finger poking against his bare chest.
"I've tried to get him out of this...whatever you want to call it but he
isn't interested. Not ever since whatever happened between you." She was
glaring him down, shaking her head.
"You fucked him up and used him!" Not that she knew the whole story. Steve
didn't even have all the details and he'd been far too drunk to tell her
anything about what he knew. "So I hope you're proud of yourself." She
trailed off for a moment, looking down. "He's gonna leave. He wants out of
here so bad. He thinks if he leaves it'll stop hurting and it's all your
fault!"
Billy's too drunk to stop her and he let's himself be shoved away from Tommy H and Carol, wincing when his back hits the tree. She pokes him in the chest and continues to tear into him and Billy feels the hurt swell until he's choking on it and the tears burn as they fill his eyes.
"You have no idea why I did what I did! I hurt him to keep him safe!" One tear rolls down his cheek as he stares her down. Billy flinches when she mentions that Steve wants to leave and he knows it's his fault and that just makes the hurt worse. "My old man... if he..." He growls in frustration, shoving a hand through his hair.
"Hurt him to keep him safe!? Are you fucking kidding me? I think you
hurt him to keep you safe!" She was still angry, still wanting to hurt him
and she leaned in close, her nose almost touching his as she went up on
tiptoe. "He loves you, ya know? He told me...he never loved anyone
before." She took a step back from him.
She shook her head, sighing. "And if you really did break his heart to keep
him safe? That wasn't your decision to make. Your choice. Steve deserves to
know the truth. Especially if he's going to leave everyone and everything
he knows just so he doesn't have to see you again. That's how much he
hurts, Billy. He would rather leave his life behind..."
Steve loves him? This wasn't supposed to happen. Steve was supposed to move on and forget about Billy; he was supposed to find himself a nice girl and go to college and be happy. The hurt was supposed to be temporary and then he'd move on and be happy.
The more she attacks, the angrier Billy gets and at her last words, he explodes, pushing away from the tree and as much into her space as she's in his.
"The first time my old man caught me with a boy, he beat me half to death! Do you know what he'd do to Steve if he found out we slept together?! He'd kill the both of us! I won't put him in that position!"
Her eyes widened when he exploded, just staring at him as he went off
before her jaw fell, mouth hanging open. She swallowed, not sure what to
say for the longest time as she pushed her hair back away from her face.
"Billy, I..." She shook her head, biting her lip carefully. "I didn't know.
But...even still, it isn't your right to make that choice for him. If you
like him and you...you want to be with him, you should talk to him. Let the
choice be his."
Because she knew Steve, she knew how Steve felt about Billy and honestly,
she knew the other boy wouldn't give a damn about the risks. Thats just the
way he was. "You would want the opportunity to choose, wouldn't you? Or
would you rather Steve just push you away...because he was scared?"
Billy watches her expression shift as what he just said sinks in. The thing about abuse was that no one wanted to admit when it was happening and Billy had learned a long time ago to keep it to himself; partly because it wasn’t anyone else’s business but also because if Neil found out, he’d probably put Billy in the ground.
“It’s as much my choice as it is his!” Seriously? Committing to something with another boy put them both in danger and Billy copped it enough as it was without giving his old man more reason.
“What’s it to you anyway? What does it affect you if I don’t put myself in the way of a fist?”
Robin stood there for a moment, shifting from foot to foot before sighing
softly and pushing her fingers back through her hair. She understood where
he was coming from, but it sucked so bad seeing her best friend hurting so
much.
"I'm sorry." She muttered, taking a step backwards. "I'm just...seeing
Steve hurt. It hurts me too." She shook her head, looking down at the
ground, suddenly focused on a leaf stick in her shoe lace. "And he...he's
so sad all the time now. He tries to pretend its nothing. That its all
completely fine, but I know it isn't."
Now she wished she'd never confronted Billy, though she was still upset.
She wanted to help Steve, but now she wanted to help Billy too. Not that
she knew what to do for either of them.
At the mention of Steve being so sad, hurting because of Billy makes his chest hurt and he lets out a soft sigh. He gets it, he does. But Billy isn't the only one at risk from his dad if he finds out. Just because Neil has mostly only targeted his son and his ex-wife, doesn't mean he wouldn't lash out at the boy who's tongue was in his son's mouth.
She didn't say anything at first, instead turning her head to glance back
towards the bonfire. She was thinking about agreeing, telling him she
wouldn't say anything, but then she spotted Steve where he was. She almost
couldn't see him, slumped against a tree just staring blankly into the fire.
"I can't promise you that." She said softly, shaking her head. "Steve needs
to know what you went through, Billy. It'll help him understand at least."
She sighed.
"He thinks it was just...god. That he was just a piece of ass, basically.
But you actually do care about him."
Billy follows her gaze to where Steve is slumped against a tree and he feels his heart break a little bit more. But it doesn't change anything; it can't change anything. Steve being sad and Billy wanting to fix it, doesn't change that Neil would put them both in the ground if he knew.
She just gave him a look, standing there for just a moment longer before
she turned away. She wasn't going to agree to it. "You honestly want him to
believe you used him? Billy, you're an idiot."
Then she started walking back towards the bonfire, shaking her head the
whole way. After that she grabbed Steve, dragging him away from there and
to his car. She was going to take him home and let him sleep it off.
After that confrontation, Billy doesn't really feel like partying anymore. Instead, he snatches up another six pack that's been left unsupervised and storms off, slamming the car door and revving loudly before he speeds off.
He doesn't know where he's heading, but he knows it needs to be away from here.
And if he avoids Steve and Robin for three days afterwards.
His efforts all come to nothing when he literally bumps into Steve on his way out of the arcade from dropping Max off.
Steve immediately straightened up when he heard Billy's voice, staring at
him before taking a step back. "Sorry. Wasn't paying attention." He looked
like he'd seen better days honestly.
He shifted, moving to slip past Billy, but he stopped suddenly and locked
eyes with him. "Look...you should have just..." He started, huffing before
pushing his fingers through his hair in frustration. It moved the hair away
from his face and made it even more obvious how dark the circles under his
eyes were. "You should have told me."
Billy honestly doesn't look a whole lot better. There's the slightest hint of a bruise around his lip and he has his shirt done up -a rare sight, to be told- to hide the bruises on his ribs from where he'd stumbled into the nightstand when his dad had shoved his drunken ass in his anger.
He pales immediately at Steve's words, grabbing onto the sleeve of his jacket and dragging him around the side of the building and away from listening ears and prying eyes.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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"Billy's just being his usual, weird self." She shrugs and turns her attention to the game as it starts up. "There's some kinda bug up his ass and he thinks he's being subtle but really he's just being dumb. Like I was gonna miss the way he got all weird as soon as he saw your car." She looks at Steve suspiciously.
"Did you two fight again? He didn't hurt you, did he?"
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He looked guilty for a moment before shaking his head. "No we didn't have a fight." He said, though he pointedly didn't answer whether he'd been hurt.
"Its no big. I promise." He rubbed her shoulder before he sighed and stood back up. "Just...best we don't see each other." He said, his voice going quiet, sounding reluctant to have to say it.
"What time is he supposed to be picking you up?" He asked, like he had asked every time lately, so he could leave before Billy ever got there.
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"He said he'd be here at 5:30." Just before dinner. He and Tommy H were catching up or something beforehand. Whatever, she hadn't really listened.
It's a good 45 minutes later that Max is able to corner Steve away from the others.
"Billy's been acting really weird and he's only ever done this once before. In California, just before we moved. And I know it has something to do with you. What did he do?"
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He nodded before leaving her alone. How she managed to end up cornering him, he would absolutely never know but he sighed, jaw tight as she started questioning him.
"Max just...Billy didn't do anything, okay?" He said softly, sitting down and scrubbing a hand over his face. "Wait, you said in California? What happened in California?" He asked, tilting his head as he looked at her.
"Did something bad happen?" He bit his lip, shifting a bit and glancing at the clock on the wall. It was still before 5:00 so he was alright. He just wanted to be out of there by 5:15.
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"Billy was friends with this guy and they were always together, it was weird but so is Billy so whatever. And they were hanging out in his room and the music was really loud and Neil came home and was really mad and so he went to tell Billy to turn his music off. I was in the kitchen helping Mum and the next thing, his friend takes off out of the house, screaming and Neil is swearing and yelling and Billy was like... crying and begging him to stop. Billy had to go to hospital and then we packed up and moved here. Never saw the friend again." She sighs. "Look, don't tell him I told you that; he'll be pissed. But just... whatever happened? If Billy's acting like this again, there's a reason."
She pats Steve on the arm and walks back over to the others, pushing Lucas out of the way so she can get to the game he's on.
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When she walked away, he leaned back in the chair, staring straight ahead for a long time before groaning and scrubbing a hand over his face.
At 5:25 he walked outside, spotting Billy's car. He stood there for a few moments before walking over at Billy's car. He leaned against it, refusing to actually look at Billy. "Give me a cigarette, Hargrove." He demanded, looking out across the parking lot for a long time.
Max would be a few minutes late and he told Billy that. "She's doing something for me. Checking on something. So don't you dare get pissed at her." He said, foot bouncing a bit before he finally pushed himself to speak again. "I found out what happened. In California."
He pushed his fingers through his hair as he took a few hits off the cigarette hanging between his lips. "You don't have to worry about me. I'll stay away." He shifted, rolling a shoulder. "Even if I think your shithead dad needs to have his ass kicked. I'll just..." He made a sound, brows furrowing before finally turning his head and looking at Billy, staring him in the eyes.
"Bonfire night never happened. Everything is back to the way it was. So just..you know. Stay away from me, Hargrove."
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And then he’s telling him that he knows what happened in California and Billy feels his chest tighten in panic. Max said something because of course she did. She’s too fucking observant and she was there, she saw what happened and what it did to him when James had bailed on him and left him to face Neil’s wrath alone, to sit in that hospital for two days alone.
He can’t catch his breath, not in the face of the tears welled up in Steve’s eyes or the way he tells him to stay away and that that night never happened.
Tears spill over his own cheeks and he presses his head into the steering wheel.
“Okay.”
He could do that. He deserved this after all. “Okay. I’ll... stay away.”
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He turned away, his jaw going painfully tight. He was staring straight ahead as he took another couple drags off the cigarette before tossing it down and stomping it out. There was so much more he wanted to say. He was still angry. Still hurting.
Instead he just nodded. "Good." And then he walked away. He made a beeline for his car, fighting back tears as he slid in and slammed the door shut. The sound echoed through the parking lot as he started up and pealed out, needing to be as far away from there as he possibly could be.
In the end, he didn't care if he'd made the right decision. And, well, he stopped caring about pretty much everything else. It was like he was on autopilot after that. He went to school, went to classes like normal. He flirted, ignoring it when he felt eyes on him on the hall. Knowing Billy was watching.
Robin ended up being a godsend and became his best friend almost instantly. It helped because a lot of people assumed they were dating. Anyone who paid attention would know they weren't, but it helped stop the rumors about why he wasn't dating anyone anymore. He still didn't go to parties. He didn't go anywhere other than with the kids and Robin.
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It's only three weeks after their exchange that Billy drops off the basketball team. He doesn't offer an explanation, no matter how many people asked. And if his anger issues increase, he doesn't acknowledge it.
And as per usual, Tommy H and Carol don't notice anything particularly different in him and they ignore the way he clenches his jaw any time they bring up Steve.
It's the end of the year and they''re having the standard Hawkins High post-grad bonfire and Billy?
Billy goes. He drinks before he gets there and he doesn't stop. He sits by himself with a cigarette dangles from his lips and a beer in his hand, watching Steve from a distance with an ache in his chest and a burning in his gut.
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Steve ended up being dragged to the bonfire by Robin, groaning about how it was a stupid tradition and why did he have to participate. Either way, she made him go. And of course, he saw Billy and once again he can feel those blue eyes watching him. He hated it, but there wasn't anything he could do. So he drank and drank...and drank some more. He drank until he was barely understandable before he pulled Robin off until they were alone.
Then he spilled everything. He told Robin about Billy, about how they hadn't spoke since, everything. He was in tears, he was in pain.
Robin had left him leaned against a tree, half asleep after his confession as she looked for Billy. When she found him, she closed the distance and without a word she slapped him as hard as she could. Anger was evident on her face, her eyes narrowing. She stood there for a second, eyeing the people around them before hissing at him. "You're an asshole, Billy Hargrove."
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And then he registers that it's Steve's friend, Rachel or something and she's cursing him out.
"What the fuck did I do this time?"
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She shoved him, moving him away from his stupid asshole friends and backing him up against a tree. "What did you do? Are you fucking kidding me? You broke Steve." She snapped at him, finger poking against his bare chest. "I've tried to get him out of this...whatever you want to call it but he isn't interested. Not ever since whatever happened between you." She was glaring him down, shaking her head.
"You fucked him up and used him!" Not that she knew the whole story. Steve didn't even have all the details and he'd been far too drunk to tell her anything about what he knew. "So I hope you're proud of yourself." She trailed off for a moment, looking down. "He's gonna leave. He wants out of here so bad. He thinks if he leaves it'll stop hurting and it's all your fault!"
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"You have no idea why I did what I did! I hurt him to keep him safe!" One tear rolls down his cheek as he stares her down. Billy flinches when she mentions that Steve wants to leave and he knows it's his fault and that just makes the hurt worse. "My old man... if he..." He growls in frustration, shoving a hand through his hair.
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"Hurt him to keep him safe!? Are you fucking kidding me? I think you hurt him to keep you safe!" She was still angry, still wanting to hurt him and she leaned in close, her nose almost touching his as she went up on tiptoe. "He loves you, ya know? He told me...he never loved anyone before." She took a step back from him.
She shook her head, sighing. "And if you really did break his heart to keep him safe? That wasn't your decision to make. Your choice. Steve deserves to know the truth. Especially if he's going to leave everyone and everything he knows just so he doesn't have to see you again. That's how much he hurts, Billy. He would rather leave his life behind..."
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The more she attacks, the angrier Billy gets and at her last words, he explodes, pushing away from the tree and as much into her space as she's in his.
"The first time my old man caught me with a boy, he beat me half to death! Do you know what he'd do to Steve if he found out we slept together?! He'd kill the both of us! I won't put him in that position!"
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Her eyes widened when he exploded, just staring at him as he went off before her jaw fell, mouth hanging open. She swallowed, not sure what to say for the longest time as she pushed her hair back away from her face.
"Billy, I..." She shook her head, biting her lip carefully. "I didn't know. But...even still, it isn't your right to make that choice for him. If you like him and you...you want to be with him, you should talk to him. Let the choice be his."
Because she knew Steve, she knew how Steve felt about Billy and honestly, she knew the other boy wouldn't give a damn about the risks. Thats just the way he was. "You would want the opportunity to choose, wouldn't you? Or would you rather Steve just push you away...because he was scared?"
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“It’s as much my choice as it is his!” Seriously? Committing to something with another boy put them both in danger and Billy copped it enough as it was without giving his old man more reason.
“What’s it to you anyway? What does it affect you if I don’t put myself in the way of a fist?”
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Robin stood there for a moment, shifting from foot to foot before sighing softly and pushing her fingers back through her hair. She understood where he was coming from, but it sucked so bad seeing her best friend hurting so much.
"I'm sorry." She muttered, taking a step backwards. "I'm just...seeing Steve hurt. It hurts me too." She shook her head, looking down at the ground, suddenly focused on a leaf stick in her shoe lace. "And he...he's so sad all the time now. He tries to pretend its nothing. That its all completely fine, but I know it isn't."
Now she wished she'd never confronted Billy, though she was still upset. She wanted to help Steve, but now she wanted to help Billy too. Not that she knew what to do for either of them.
"I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone."
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"Don't say anything. To anyone."
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She didn't say anything at first, instead turning her head to glance back towards the bonfire. She was thinking about agreeing, telling him she wouldn't say anything, but then she spotted Steve where he was. She almost couldn't see him, slumped against a tree just staring blankly into the fire.
"I can't promise you that." She said softly, shaking her head. "Steve needs to know what you went through, Billy. It'll help him understand at least." She sighed.
"He thinks it was just...god. That he was just a piece of ass, basically. But you actually do care about him."
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"Don't. Say. Anything. It'll just end in pain."
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She just gave him a look, standing there for just a moment longer before she turned away. She wasn't going to agree to it. "You honestly want him to believe you used him? Billy, you're an idiot."
Then she started walking back towards the bonfire, shaking her head the whole way. After that she grabbed Steve, dragging him away from there and to his car. She was going to take him home and let him sleep it off.
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He doesn't know where he's heading, but he knows it needs to be away from here.
And if he avoids Steve and Robin for three days afterwards.
His efforts all come to nothing when he literally bumps into Steve on his way out of the arcade from dropping Max off.
"Uh... shit."
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Steve immediately straightened up when he heard Billy's voice, staring at him before taking a step back. "Sorry. Wasn't paying attention." He looked like he'd seen better days honestly.
He shifted, moving to slip past Billy, but he stopped suddenly and locked eyes with him. "Look...you should have just..." He started, huffing before pushing his fingers through his hair in frustration. It moved the hair away from his face and made it even more obvious how dark the circles under his eyes were. "You should have told me."
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He pales immediately at Steve's words, grabbing onto the sleeve of his jacket and dragging him around the side of the building and away from listening ears and prying eyes.
"She fucking told you."
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